Life Goals

Goodbye, but not good riddance. The definition of good riddance: to express relief at being free of a troublesome or wanted person or thing . I don't want to be 'free' of 2019. I want to remember it and cherish it. Towards the end of 2018, mom made a great facebook post listing all the great things that had happened. To the best she could, she chose to look at the positive things that happened. At the end of 2018, we didn't think 2019 could be much worse. 2018 had been a hard year for our family. It was a year of sickness, loss, and death. We had no idea what 2019 would bring. 2019 may have been a year of loss, but in the midst of our grief, we found joy. January - - Celebrated family Christmas (very late due to one person being out of town). - Mom got to spend time with some of her closest Huntington friends - a group of women who watched their kids grow up together. I'm so thankful they all took the time to get together. - Carole (mom's best friend)...

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Christmas is set up and ready. But it still doesn't feel like the holidays. I didn't get my camera out for pictures. Mom and I haven't been talking about our 'Black' Friday deals all week. We didn't have to run out to Meijer on Thursday morning for those last-minute things. November has come to an end and as I mentioned in my last post I wanted to look past the dark to find the light, to find warmth and joy this season. Overall it was a good month. Nov 4th - Started the application process to go back to school for a Master of Science in Health Informatics Nov 5th - Mom's birthday - we celebrated with cake and chocolate/peanut butter milkshakes Nov 9th - Game Day - always fun! Nov 10th - Dad's birthday - we took him to Texas Roadhouse and spent a beautiful afternoon helping rake up some leaves. Nov 14th - So You Think You Can Dance Tour! Went with a friend and we had a blast! Those dancers are amazing! Nov...

November, December, January, & February These are the 4 darkest and coldest months of the year. I feel like this year they will be a little darker and a little colder. From tomorrow until February, the months will be flooded with memories. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. There are days I wait for her to send me a message and ask me what we are doing that weekend or how the girls are. The tears still come and go - the girls occasionally tell me they dream about grandma and tell me often how much they miss her. A year ago tomorrow we celebrated mom's 60th birthday in Santa Claus, Indiana. It was what she wanted - a weekend of family. So, we all made arrangements and our whole family was there and mom and dad's best friends Jim & Carole. It was a weekend of love, laughter, food, games, and family pictures. From my perspective, after this weekend is when things started progressing. On election day last year, mom was walking towards the building where ...

Yesterday marked 6 months since I've been able to see my mom. The day before that was 6 months since I've talked to her. I've found myself posting less on Facebook since she's been gone. I've taken less pictures of my girls (she'd call me out on it when I didn't send her pictures almost daily!) For a while I found myself doing less of everything. Thinking that if I enjoyed life too much, I would feel guilty for enjoying my life without her. I say I'm fine, until I try to talk about her, then the tears flow (as they are now - which I wasn't expecting when I started typing this). It's a balance of learning how to live life and enjoy life, and still remember her and carry her with me.  I've seen two different counselors, but I wasn't impressed with either of them. Maybe I just had high expectations to spill my guts about my life, and I came out with this: I'm grieving 'normally' and I need to remind myself how my mom woul...